JumpStart Hug Your Dog Day (4/10/23)

Big Idea:  Watch out for the people who use apologies as a manipulation tool!

An apology can be one of the best tools for the Passive-Aggressives and the Manipulators out there. It catches people when they are down and vulnerable and can send snarky, fake, sarcastic messages designed to keep the hurt party feeling hurt.
Not only is an apology without change manipulative,

• so is an apology that asks for forgiveness. It’s not the transgressor’s place to ask for something that is highly personal and requires vulnerability on the part of the hurt party. Besides, it really makes no difference to the transgressor if an apology is given or not.
• so is an apology given in attempt to silence the other person. If an apology is given strictly because the transgressor knows that it’s expected of them, or that they know that the person they hurt will stop yelling/crying/giving the silent treatment, it’s not a real apology.
• so is an apology that includes the word ‘but’. Remember that that little word has the power to negate everything that came before it in the sentence.

This week, try this:

1. The next time you need to apologize, apologize only for your actions, not the other person’s feelings. You can only be accountable for what you can control.
2. ​The next time someone apologizes to you, reply with, “Thank you.” Please don’t add the usual platitudes like, “It’s OK,” or “Don’t worry about it.” While the intention behind them may be good, they actually dismiss the vulnerability and (hopefully) sincere invitation for reparation and repair of the relationship offered by the apologizer.

After reading through this, I wonder how you think our modeling of the use of apologies with students (particularly in a disciplinary situation) might be changed?

​Quote of the Week:  "An apology without change is just manipulation."  ~Sierra Monaee

Educator Resource:  I Want to be Mad for a While! by Barney Saltzberg [kids’ book] - Discover a universally relatable story about one little cat who just wants to be MAD... at least for a little while! With gentle text and bold, vibrant illustrations, Barney Saltzberg encourages readers to "feel what they feel" and express their emotions, helping young ones develop key tools for social-emotional literacy. A must-have for any toddler caregiver. This book empowers children on the topic of anger, letting them know that it's okay to feel mad sometimes. Because after you let yourself feel mad... then you can start to feel GLAD!  (Contributed by JumpStart reader Kristin Rydholm.)

Dad Joke:  I've often heard that 'icy' is the easiest word to spell.  Looking back, I see why.

It's April - Storms are a-comin'!

Matt Weld, Area 5 SEL Coach