Big Idea: Forgiveness is 100% for you and not the other person.
Ryan Wamser, my partner in crime in this SEL Hub thing, and I have been presenting an all-day workshop for administrators centered around Leadership Lesson from the Ted Lasso show. One of the lessons is about the power of apologies and forgiveness.
I’ve learned that they are two completely separate events, and an apology does not necessarily require forgiveness.
Forgiving is hard.
Forgiving means that you have come up against a ‘no’ - something died.
Maybe an expectation, an idea of perfection, or an understanding died and it caused pain. The person who caused the pain is responsible for the apology. But you, as the bearer of that grief is the one who has the choice to forgive - to be OK with the new normal and to be able to move forward.
And sometimes, you have to re-forgive. The time required to lessen the pain may be too long for one bout of forgiveness.
Regardless, being able to move on is freeing. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, not a payment to another for their apology.
This week, try this: The next time you have to apologize, please don’t ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness can’t be given and it can’t be forced. There is a difference between forgiveness and absolution.
Quote: "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." ~Lewis B. Smedes
Educator Resource: Playworks - A nonprofit that believes that play is essential to learning. They have staff training, access to official Playworks Coaches, and be sure to check out their Game Library and find a Playworks near you. I was reminded of this resources by an attendee in one of my workshops this week. I had the honor of interviewing the founder, Jill Vialet, on the Teachers’ Classroom Podcast. Find it on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen.
Dad Joke: Scrolls were replaced by books. Now we scroll through books on tablets.
SEL Coach Matt Weld creates and delivers in-person and online SEL-related content.