Big Idea: Watch out for the people who use apologies as a manipulation tool!
An apology can be one of the best tools for the Passive-Aggressives and the Manipulators out there. It catches people when they are down and vulnerable and can send snarky, fake, sarcastic messages designed to keep the hurt party feeling hurt. Not only is an apology without change manipulative,
After reading through this, I wonder how you think our modeling of the use of apologies with students (particularly in a disciplinary situation) might be changed? Quote of the Week: "An apology without change is just manipulation." ~Sierra Monaee Educator Resource: I Want to be Mad for a While! by Barney Saltzberg [kids’ book] - Discover a universally relatable story about one little cat who just wants to be MAD... at least for a little while! With gentle text and bold, vibrant illustrations, Barney Saltzberg encourages readers to "feel what they feel" and express their emotions, helping young ones develop key tools for social-emotional literacy. A must-have for any toddler caregiver. This book empowers children on the topic of anger, letting them know that it's okay to feel mad sometimes. Because after you let yourself feel mad... then you can start to feel GLAD! (Contributed by JumpStart reader Kristin Rydholm.) Dad Joke: I've often heard that 'icy' is the easiest word to spell. Looking back, I see why. It's April - Storms are a-comin'! Matt Weld, Area 5 SEL Coach
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Big Idea: Discipline is the missing ingredient to achieving out goals.
Consider these five things that I have run across recently:
Quote of the Week: "Discipline is about making choice after choice that's aligned with our intentions. In any moment, we can make a choice that supports an intention; or we can make a choice that supports an old habit, a lack of intention, a fear." ~Chetna Mehta Educator Resource: April Book Study (100% online & FREE!) - Look Beyond the Clouds: Transform Your Daily Habits to Overcome Burnout and Find Joy in Teaching Again The final book study for this school year on TeachIllinois is starting TODAY, but it’s not too late to join. This title was recommended by a teacher friend, and a great way to end the year on a positive note. Illinois educators can earn 6 PD Hours. Out-of-State people will get a certificate of completion for 6 hours. Dad Joke: The word 'vaccine' is the only English word that two consecutive letters are pronounced differently. Don't ask how I know - I found out accidentally. It's APRIL! Warm weather is coming! Matt Weld, Area 5 SEL Coach Big Idea: Anger can be a signpost that something needs to be addressed.
Last week, I started out with this line: “Think about the last time you felt angry - that sudden, intense feeling that made you want to do something big.” I then went on to talk about how anger is part of the fear response. This week, let’s take it from a different angle. What about the time when your anger made you want to do something small? A news program made you change the channel, your friend said something that made you disagree with them (hopefully in a constructive manner, perhaps with an “I” statement :)? This week, I was listening to an interesting podcast where Gabor Maté was talking about ‘healthy anger’ and how women are more likely to have autoimmune disease because our society teaches them to suppress their healthy anger. According to Dr. Maté, healthy anger is simply a boundary defense (start at about 16:00), and we share that circuitry in our brains with all mammals. Think about your mammalian pets for a minute. What happens when they get angry? They react (re-establish a boundary) and then move on. Why don’t we do this more often? What is it about being human that gives us the ability to a) react to a situation with more anger than necessary to re-establish our boundary, and then b) hold on to that anger in ways that don’t ultimately positively serve our wellbeing (grudges, revenge, etc.) ? This week, try this: The trick here is the pause between feeling the anger and reacting with your anger’s energy. This is where we can bring in our humanity, because our pets can’t do this. The next time you feel anger, pause - even for the space of an inhale - before you react. If it’s healthy anger, let ‘er rip so your boundaries remain defended. If it’s based on fear, or it’s too big, think of another strategy. And then, do your very best to move on. Quote of the Week: "Anger can be a sign that something that matters to you is being threatened. Listen. Pause. Respond. Move on." ~Matt Weld Educator Resource: Would You Rather…? (School Edition) - Most people have played this game before, and it’s probably NOT been school appropriate. Here are a list of questions that you can ask anyone. Give it a boost by having people move to either side of the room depending on their answer. Dad Joke: I'm not a fan of elevator music. It's bad on so many levels. Keep your head up! Matt Weld, Area 5 SEL Coach Big Idea: Anger is the outward expression of hurt and fear.
Think about the last time you felt angry - that sudden, intense feeling that made you want to do something big. It’s all part of the fight/flight/freeze response. The desire to say or do something big is a natural reaction when something comes up against who you are. I’ll bet the last time you felt anger was when something or someone made you feel afraid, or hurt your pride, or caused intense frustration. Usually what makes us angry is something unexpected. Our brains can only handle so much unexpectedness before they invoke the body to help remove it (or us) from the situation. Think about fear itself. You can read a thriller or watch an action movie or go through a haunted house and it’s invigorating. Too much more, and you step over the boundary into anxiety and aggression. This week, try this: To manage anger, self-awareness is the key (good thing it’s the first goal in the Illinois SEL Standards!). Sit for a minute and explore what makes you angry, and what triggers your anger. Once you know your own triggers, you can avoid them, or be aware enough to enact your calming practices before anger makes you do something you’ll regret. Quote: "Anger is nothing more than the outward expression of hurt, fear, and frustration." ~Unknown Educator Resource: How to Help Students Manage Their Emotions - EDUTOPIA ARTICLE - Four tips AND scripts for each one to help you start a conversation with a student. Dad Joke: Thinking of having my ashes stored in a glass urn. Remains to be seen. Warm days are coming! ~Matt Weld, Area 5 SEL Coach Big Idea: Perfectionism is rooted in fear, not the desire to pay attention to details.
According to Brene Brown, “When perfectionism is driving us, shame is riding shotgun and fear is that annoying backseat driver.” It’s human nature to judge, to classify, to compare. It’s how our brains simplify their work load to use less energy. However, when we compare to ideals in our journey toward perfection, that leads to feelings of inferiority. In the end, we are afraid of what we’ll find on the other side of comparison. Perfectionism is holding yourself to an outside ideal that can’t ever really exist because the world is constantly changing. Inferiority is the discrepancy between two internal concepts: the ideal self and the real self. Either way, it’s an emotion that occurs when we hold ourself to a higher (unreachable?) standard. Some people are more susceptible and I believe a lot of it has to do with our upbringing which is based on societal standards. The trick is to do your best - and that means do your day’s best, not your best best, every day. Then, give yourself grace if the results don’t match whatever standard you expected to meet. With little kids, everything they do is amazing. What happened as we grew older? This week, try this: Check out this list of 7 Crucial Things You Can’t Be Afraid to Do and see how you feel. If you are like me, you started hearing that annoying little anti-joy voice in your head getting louder with each one. As Tony Horton, the trainer of P90X, says, “Do you best and forget the rest.” Quote: "At its root, perfectionism isn't really about a deep love of being meticulous. It's about fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success." ~Michael Law Educator Resource: Art Therapy in the Classroom - 25 Ideas. As an artist myself, I find a lot of therapy in practicing art, and I know that everyone finds it calming no matter what their skill level. I recently witnessed hundreds of teachers making little paintings of snow people, and everyone was fully invested. I firmly believe art should be in school. Dad Joke: What's the leading cause of dry skin? Towels. I hope you get pie and avoid the spiders! ~Matt Big Idea: Exercise should not be underrated as a tool for your mental wellbeing.
The other day I was scrolling through Instagram and I saw a video interview of a psychologist about the importance of muscles in mental health. She said that when you contract your skeletal muscles (the ones you can control), they release a ‘hope molecule’ that increases your sense of wellbeing. I then listened to the whole episode of The Model Health Show and am now ready to go down the rabbit hole of the effects of exercise on mental health and how modern adults and kids are too sedentary, and this lack of movement is the ultimate physiological cause of the spike in mental health issues. One guest (Dr. Kelly McGonigal) said that there are two equally effective treatments to amp up the reward system in your brain: going for a walk and surgically implanting an electrode in your brain. Which would you rather do? Being the skeptic that’s often preaching about looking at both sides of an argument, I tried googling various permutations of “Negative effects of exercise on mental health.” The only thing it could come up with is that exercise can sometimes be addictive and people can go overboard. This week, try this: There doesn’t seem to be a consensus about how much exercise is enough, although there are several big studies that mention 10,000 steps daily which is I guess why FitBit keeps me stepping toward that goal each day. Maybe start by following another article today that mentioned 11 minutes per day. Quote: "Exercise can not only ward off the ill effects of chronic stress, it can also reverse them." ~John J. Ratey, MD Educator Resource: Indoor Games - There are 21 games ‘for youth and teens’ on this website that features some classics like Knots and Simon Says as well as some I’d others, like Messenger (get ready for a mess!). Dad Joke: Why did the chicken go to the gym? To work on his pecks. It's March. Get out and march! ~Matt Big Idea: Forgiveness is 100% for you and not the other person.
Ryan Wamser, my partner in crime in this SEL Hub thing, and I have been presenting an all-day workshop for administrators centered around Leadership Lesson from the Ted Lasso show. One of the lessons is about the power of apologies and forgiveness. I’ve learned that they are two completely separate events, and an apology does not necessarily require forgiveness. Forgiving is hard. Forgiving means that you have come up against a ‘no’ - something died. Maybe an expectation, an idea of perfection, or an understanding died and it caused pain. The person who caused the pain is responsible for the apology. But you, as the bearer of that grief is the one who has the choice to forgive - to be OK with the new normal and to be able to move forward. And sometimes, you have to re-forgive. The time required to lessen the pain may be too long for one bout of forgiveness. Regardless, being able to move on is freeing. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, not a payment to another for their apology. This week, try this: The next time you have to apologize, please don’t ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness can’t be given and it can’t be forced. There is a difference between forgiveness and absolution. Quote: "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." ~Lewis B. Smedes Educator Resource: Playworks - A nonprofit that believes that play is essential to learning. They have staff training, access to official Playworks Coaches, and be sure to check out their Game Library and find a Playworks near you. I was reminded of this resources by an attendee in one of my workshops this week. I had the honor of interviewing the founder, Jill Vialet, on the Teachers’ Classroom Podcast. Find it on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. Dad Joke: Scrolls were replaced by books. Now we scroll through books on tablets. ~ Matt Big Idea: The opposite is also true.
Since Niels Bohr was a physicist, I’m sure he was thinking about truths like light and gravity. What about in the realm of our emotions? Think about the concept of ‘Tough Love’, where what’s loving is to hold people to a standard and expect their best. The opposite is also true, where the loving thing to do is to create space and empathy. If the human race is ever going to get along, we need to understand that for what we hold as The Truth, someone else may believe the opposite to be The Truth. Who are we to say which is actually correct? Why can’t they both be true? It’s sort of like pain. What’s joyful for me might be painful for others. Pick a holiday: for some people, they’d rather a particular holiday were struck from the calendar. Neither is right. Who am I to say that someone else’s pain (or joy) is not real and valid? This week, try this: The next time you come up against a strong emotion, take a minute to examine its opposite and how some people may hold that as their truth. Quote: "A deep truth is a truth so deep that not only is it true but its exact opposite is also true." ~Niels Bohr Educator Resource: Educating Mindfully Conference - (EMCON) - Coalition of Schools Educating Mindfully (COSEM) is hosting their 5th Annual Educating Mindfully Conference (EMCON) on March 10-12, 2023 with a focus on healing, resilience, mindfulness, SEL, equity, and inclusion. COSEM is also hosting a Resource Showcase on March 9 that is free-to-all. Learn more and register at educatingmindfully.org! Dad Joke: A piece of cherry pie costs $2 in Jamaica and $4.45 in Barbados. Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean. Big Idea: How you are in your relationship with yourself determines how your relationships with others are.
If you are compassionate with yourself, you have the ability to be compassionate to others. Likewise, If you are fierce with yourself, you are probably fierce with others. But, Matt! I was raised to put other people first. Yup. I was, too. But loving yourself isn’t a selfish act. I would argue that it’s a prerequisite to loving others. Loving yourself gives you the awareness and understanding of what love is. Then you can extend it to other people (and pets!) But, Matt! I read self-help books and listen to self-help podcasts all the time, and still feel like I can’t be truly loving to other people. There’s a difference between self-love and self-help. Try working on self-acceptance first. Then you’ll have the capacity for improvement. This week, try this: The next time you extend yourself grace or are proud of something you’ve accomplished, I’ll bet there’s this little inner critic that tries to negate your good feelings. Talk back! Ask that little devil to cite their sources! Quote: "Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have." ~Robert Holden Educator Resource: New Directions in Education Conference - Trauma & SEL & Schools. Keynote Kristin Souers (author of Fostering Resilient Learners) and the rest of the experts will be here all day for workshops and breakouts. Come learn from the best in Collinsville, IL on June 7, 2023. FREE thanks to the ISBE Hub 5 SEL Grant Dad Joke: I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink. Now I'm at the hospital waiting to be seen. Happy Valentines Day! May you do your part in keeping the sugar industry up and running. :) If this was forwarded to you, and you’d like your own copy, sign up here. ~Matt 2/13/2023 0 Comments JumpStart Oatmeal Monday (2/6/23)Big Idea: Control freaks and the role of suffering.
An Open Letter to Control Freaks Everywhere: It’s human nature to judge, categorize, and compare. It’s also human nature to be feel unhappy. Could there be a connection? This last weekend, I went to the beginner yoga class that my wife teaches every Saturday morning. (Spoiler Alert: she kicked my *$$) As I lay on my mat during her intention-setting session at the beginning, I noticed that instead of listening with an open heart, I was listening for what I disagreed with, for what I would have done differently. My action was so wrong on so many levels. Pema Chodron also says, “You should never have expectations for other people. Just be kind to them.” How many times a day are you disappointed because something or someone didn’t meet your expectations? Where did those expectations come from? A bias? A judgement? A comparison to something or someone else? This week, try this: The next time a student’s behavior disappoints you, ask yourself, “What pre-conceived expectation did I have for this student? Where did it come from? Why do I even have one?” Quote: "Suffering usually relates to wanting things to be different from the way they are." ~Pema Chodron Educator Resource: EVERFI - Social & Emotional Curriculum - EVERFI uses community partners to fund their work, so it’s always free. As a tech coach, I used to recommend these resources to everyone. It had been a minute since I’d explored their offerings, and I see they have a whole section of SEL courses for ALL grade levels. Dad Joke: 6:30 is the best time on a clock. Hands down. February is here! That’s snow day month. If this was forwarded to you, and you’d like your own copy, sign up here. ~Matt |
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